I was thinking randomly. Today had been a terrible day for me, and I can only hope it will not get worse..and pray tomorrow will be a better day. Then in my mind there lies a sea. 

I never really loved a sea that much. But today, I can’t stop thinking about a vast blue sea. The sea is deep blue, with a shining summer sun, in front of a golden beach. The white waves crack on the shore..it would be better if there is a solitary palm tree, beneath which lies two recliners.

Or it could be a sea in sunset, a pool of abstract colors, beneath purple-and-orange tinted sky. The palm is swaying and the waves crack silently, forming a plethora of colors. 

Or it could also be a sea in morning fog, cool and breezy, under a pleasant gray sky- or a sea at night, where it was really dark, and the waves crack viciously..but still pleasant.

If can, the sands must be golden and warm, and there is no one there- the sea is all mine. The sand is so thriving with life that there are many empty seashells, and the breeze are hitting my face. There are trees afar, and a shade under, where I can spend my day drinking milkshake and thinking about nothing.

There I will be left with the crashing waves. I can stand right on the border, and feel the wave taking the sand away from under my feet. Instead of getting scared, I would feel much better.

There alone. With no burden on my mind but silly questions…as I am free to watch the waves crack.

I have planned it all. I want to get engaged on a beach..to get married on a beach..to have my house built, all white, facing a big, empty beach..if can, I want to die on a beach.

....

I don’t know why problems come to me so fervently. It is so stressing these times- the city selection result, upcoming semester exam, the upcoming provincial selection, my recent defeat and failures. I would have a bad enough day without having this problem with you.

If I look back, everything seemed to be really beautiful- writing each other love songs and so on. I miss your song and your voice…as I hoped that the girl you meant in the song was me. Silly enough, but I did.

I just want to tell you that the reason is because I don’t want to lose you. Everytime I know I annoyed you or something, I instaneously feared the worst..that you may go anytime. I don’t know how not to.. but I will try not to do that. I am sorry if I irritated you, sorry for being such a nuisance. I know I phail. I am sorry for not being good enough for you. I can’t play piano or guitar. I know there are many others who are better than me, and I should have realized how lucky I was. Now I can only cross my fingers and hope for the best..that you will accept my apology. To be honest, you shouldn’t. I have hurt you so many times. Even if you won’t talk to me anymore, or leave me, it makes sense..I deserve it.

Either way, know that I will always remember you..as the first man who ever taught me how it feels to truly love, to be loved, and how I should never take anyone for granted.

...

Dream beach. 

I believe I will encounter my dream beaches: inside my heart, in the real world, along the way. Every place I come to will hold pleasant beaches, where I can be happy.. be it when I am alone, when I am with many people…or when I am with you. 

 

The question is: Why should people fall in love in the first place? No one expects it when they fall in love, yet it is always a moment to remember.

Falling in love brings you many things, and opens the world to you. Yet is is always absurd. You don't know when you fell in love, and you might not realize it for...years. :p But it is always the most beautiful thing in the world!

Today is May 17th, and it is a notable day. Not counting that it is Vesak day, OSK-announcement - 1 day, and exactly a month before my 16th birthday, it is also the birthdays of my lovely stepsister, my lovely debating soulmate, and a good junior high classmate. =D

The last 14th of May is suppposed to be my 7th monthsary. I didn't realize it until now since I was so busy but either wayy~

As I said before, love is an absurd thing. I look back at my own love experience and could laugh out loud at it because it is so silly. :p

I guess everything began in junior high school. Only now I see that I had always been in love with him all the time, for like...4 years now. I never thought of him more than as my best friend, but I didn't realize than he had always meant more than that. For that years, I unconsciously knew that I loved him...like the happy feeling that I get around him which I never got anywhere else, with my other best friends. Although I always shunned that feelings by then...I just realized how I loved him when we entered senior high.

He is all I dreamed to have. People would say he's not handsome, but I say he is. I love how he dresses...which is not as vicious as how I hunt for Zara tops of topshop heels...but he looks good (and smells good) everytime. xD He has the smoothest hair and sparkling eyes, and his arms are the best (weirdo). But he's smart, and I love when he teaches me chem. He plays guitar, which sounds amazing. He has curiosity, just like me. He mocks me and teases me like a brother, protects me like a dad, flirts, and understands me like no one else can. But the best thing that makes me fall in love with him is how we can talk bullshit from the Tiber river to spores to colors to Alexios V Doukas and feel sooooooooooo happy after! There's no one on the world who can share motivation, knowledge, and phailness with me like he does. :)

 After all we've been through, I just can't imagine how I could live without him.

He once lost a stabilo cap, and after tireless searching, it was not found. Then he picked the stabilo up and looks at it and caresses it like a child would do to a puppy, and said "Ah, poor one,", and he really looked like a kid by then. He's just tooooooo CUTE!!! xDD I'm not joking. I know my tastes are weird but..well, to each his own. xD

Love takes patience. Love takes two people that are together, and can't live without each other...without them knowing why. With him I see the world. xD There's something more romantic than "Baby, I love you," on 3 AM. Maybe I can start realizing that things like "Have you studied chem? If you don't understand, ask me, ok? ;)" is even more romantic than that.

:) have a good holiday everyone. xx

If you notice I have got rid of the page views graph! :D I don't like to see how the graph descended >.< It really eases my mind this way :))

I am free until 6 today. I have planned my daily timetable and now I shall fill my night from 6 onwards with studying! A daily school exercise chapter, UEEs exercise for one hour, one hour programming exercise and then any addition studying if there should be any exams. Then one hour of online world xD It shall be tough though T.T

I just realized the problem is..that I really want to do a lot of things. And I easily lost my passion and really easily distracted. I have like twenty things I want to do but now I really have to set on my priorities >.< now the thing I'd do is to manage time and finish my school things, if can, earlier than the expectd time. If I have really spare time and holidays then I'll slowly tick things out of my list...random passions like photography, languages and literature. xD Wish me luck though! When you work hard, weeks always feel soooo slow. And it's gonna be tough. But it's the only path and I will try my hardest!!


In the meantime of my free hour...which should dissapear soon when school is already back to its normal activities..I will post my wishlist. xD

mustard skirt. Really enchanting with pastel coloured or denim tops :))

Gorgeous pastel pumps <3

cape =33

and vintage dresses and cardigans. I have a total cardigan and blazer shortage right now!! Oh, and shirts, all kind of shirts >.< Really, really many things in my shopping list, and really have to find spare time to tick them off because soon I'd have no time to shop at all! :((

There. Now I shall go to sleep, because I only slept for 3 hours last night due to watching Marie Antoinette. Fashionable movie!! For 18th century style o.o

See ya, then. c.h.e.e.r.i.o~!!

 

I randomly decided to do some random clothes mixmatch :3

Since my day is free I decided to try on some clothes mixmatch, looking for inspiration from various fashion blogs. I come up with some idea, but all my items ended up on the most outrageous places!! Not only that high heels on laptop, I also have that pile of clothes on bed and a whole wardrobe cupboard disarray :p My floor looked like a sea of pumps and socks and it was really messy..now that I gathered everything up, I am so tired T.T

I come up with some good idea, but not sure whether I'd really wear them to any  party or what. I always loved to let myself get panicked and then the inspiration would come suddenly, like the idea lightbulb going 'ting!' XD Only I realized I looked quite boring this lately :(( I so need new inspiration. It was really fun though!! And I realized I have sooo many pieces I only used once, or even some I have never wore. I will surely plan out outfits from them :))

Till then, see ya~! XoXo

Don't you think of it as a miraculous thing that someone who was a stranger could mean so much to you in the end? The world is so full of things beyond our understanding I could simply laugh out loud :))

I really can't believe how fast time flies. Second terms begins tomorrow- later, actually..:p- and I already have to end my holiday where I doze off and fall to sleep to mid-day. My life had been a really good one. I had a very good last day of the holiday- shopping with my mom! I waited for it since the beginning of the holiday, and only now that our schedules fit. I got a pretty beige turtleneck blouse, a black military cardigan, and black-white-pink checkered shirt. Now I feel really fulfilled and refreshed, ready for the second term I'll face this year :))

Well, my goals are set, and beginning from NOW I have to make them come true. I have my dreams and they, by no means, are really high. But I actually simply want to be 'someone', 'someone'. When people hear I want to be a doctor, they always say things like, it will be very tough. It will be really hard to get rich and so on. I stay silent and thought ,"Actually, no." And then streams of dreams flew into my mind. I want to be everything because I love everything! For this year, I have to keep up my grades and I have targeted it to be 95 on average. And seeing that I have struggled hard to get a 90-something average, it will be tough. But I still have that lazy bouts last term, so I believe I can! I also want to get a medal on IT olympiad. Then I want to pass the UEEs and enter NUS. And so on.

Though aside of that, I have still many things in mind. Fashion. Shopping. Blogging. Writing. I want to win the Pulitzer prize. I want to have a renowned fashion blog. But my main problem is that, usually I have pairs of clothings that matches perfectly well. But I just don't have confidence to wear them: I simply hate how people turned and looked at me. My mom said though, " which one is better, wearing high-fashion clothes and grabbing attention, or wearing boring clothes with no attention at all?" SHe was right, but I don't have enough confidence though. But she is such an amazing woman! I want to be like her in the future, I'll try :))


And my dream is simply it. I just want to see myself, having the occupation I always dreamed, with 'thank you' cards filling my whole wall like I saw in the hospital in Singapore. I would have a cherry red cadillac, married, have some children of my own and adopted others. I would do photography, or write a novel in my pastime :p I will go to Orchard or Champs-Elysee and shop till I drop. But the first step is this second year, second term of high school :)) And my dreams begins here!

This year I will be very busy, really busy, and I swore that I'll work all my life into my dreams. See ya, then =) Wish me luck in my mission and my dreams!!