GOOD-BYE DAYS..



I had been in love once. And someone, You’re my almost perfect first love.
I honestly say that.. and that’s indeed true. But those times are over- the times when we fell in love madly.. and so hereby I will tell you my last confession.

You are the first man to ever steal my heart, and you did it for years. And I didn’t realize it for soo long. I always thought I had been in love with someone else.. but turned out it had always been you.  

Ah, how that times were really beautiful! There were once a time when I liked you, and it happened since we first met. I first cared about you when we became best friends. I loved you since…I don’t know when. I guess it was long, long ago, even before I first told you about it. Long before the whole-city blackout when the stars shone so bright and that very night you asked me out. Long before I gave you your birthday surprise. Long before you got your medal, and even before they started creating those pairing clubs. It has been so long before that I couldn’t even remember. Probably I had spent 1/3 of my life loving you. 

Doesn’t it sound beautiful?

And as a woman in love, you are perfect in my eyes. You’re cute, mysterious, religious, hardworking, you are nice and kind. I love you because you are smart, epic, but above all because you are you. And because of all that we’ve gone through. We used to be best friends, right?

I broke your heart many times. Dated with other people and played with your feelings. I just…didn’t know.

I’ll just skip that blurry friendship times with the time when we first dated. It was really amazing..and the best 17 weeks in my life. Every day feels like a miracle, and I remember everything clearly: the first hug, first holding hand, first ice cream, first “I love you”. That night when I told you, “Thanks for your care! I..love you..”, that was the first time I ever meant that words by heart to someone. Because you’re just so different…you’re my first love.

I always thought our love was real, that it will never disappear, that we are meant to be.
Turned out it isn’t as easy as I think.. 
But really, all the things I did to you, are from my heart. It feels really..beautiful. To give more and more and more. I tried to care for you and tend to you my best. Although we was not without troubles- we fought, we didn’t talk, but still those months were very beautiful. Do you have any idea how many tears I cried when we were apart?

And when I finally lost you, it feels as though my whole world went blank. I guess I simply loved you too much. It was my fault, and maybe a bit of your fault too.. but it was just so.. pathetic. 

The two months were hell. I won’t remember it here, nor do I want to go through that once again. It was just so painful that I hardly can breathe. The weird thing is that sometimes I just want to give up..but I can’t.
I remember one night when I had just cried for a whole hour for various things- the good memories that will never come back, angry because you can laugh as though nothing happened. I went to sleep trying to forget you, cursing you, but in my dream, you died. I guess my mind just reminded me that you worth too much.
And when they say there’s going to be a riot, and the first thing that crossed your mind is to tell you. You won’t know it is me who is texting you. I remember that time. We hadn’t talked nor texted for a month or so and when you texted me..with your emoticons and smileys, I realized I miss you so much.

After that we went back together- as friends. We didn’t date, but all the time I wonder if that will ever happen..if you still have feelings for me..
I woke up today realizing that you don’t. xD


I phail. I am sensitive, I am an annoyance and such a nuisance. I hurt you way too much I think I scared you off. :p But seriously… you changed. You are no longer the boy that I know.. for now you are so cold and so distant, and I can’t comprehend you anymore.

So I guess..for now, everything is already over.

I tried to continue..but now I’ve decided. I’m giving up. I am tired of all this. I don’t know if I will stop loving you, or what..but I will take off my burden. Trying to please you, trying to gain your attention, trying to steal your heart.. I guess it’s all of no use now. 

I might still love you, even if it hurts me. I guess I will just stop expecting and start to treat you as we were..friends. Maybe we are no longer best friends.. for things have changed too much. I might still love you, even if you don’t love me anymore. Or when I can’t bear it anymore..I’ll try to forget.




But I will always remember you. I will always remember the man who changed my life, who taught me so much. I will always remember the man who could make my heart skip a beat whenever he touched my hand.  I will always remember the man who taught me how it feels to love and to be loved, to love and not to be loved, to be loved but not to love. Maybe some time from now, I could love again- either you or someone else. We might be good friends like we were..or even best friends. But for now, I only want to say thanks. Thanks for everything, for being there, for having loved me. Thanks..


And goodbye.

And for the last time, I just want to tell you that.. I love you.

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GABRIELE

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Mademoiselle GABRIELLE
Makassar, South Celebes, Indonesia
A little silly bundle of cheerios - Talkative and loves to express herself - Hot-headed, grumpy, but overall nice - 3 years standing debater, ex-math - Loves science: IT, bio, and chem especially - Loves fine arts, especially music and literatures (Kafka, Nabokov, Kawabata, Marquez) - Loves fashion, design, and vintage - A big fan of Audrey Hepburn and Coco Chanel - Givenchy is my soul-designer - Adores Miss Cherie and Eaudemoiselle, they're so amazing I could drink them - In love - The rest is yet, undefined.
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